Tuesday

I woke up this morning more sore than if I'd been hit by a truck. I'm not sure if it's the way I'm sleeping, or the pain medication sitting in my muscles or perhaps a combo of both. All I know is I am dying for a nice, hot, tub and it's the one thing I can't have.

It's a weird feeling: usually this is my busiest day and yet here I am with nothing to do and nothing on my agenda. It should feel good, but instead I'm antsy and a little on edge. My mind is telling me that I should get myself presentable and try and make something of today while my body is telling me I shouldn't even move from the couch to the kitchen. Who will win? Well, that's easy. But is it the right choice?

I told a friend that I would meet her at a bar this coming Friday night. I'm rethinking that idea. I'm not sure if I'll be in "working order" yet by then. I mean, I hope I am, but so far I don't feel any progression as far as getting better. Plus, I'm still very self conscious about the look of my breasts and I'm don't want to be in public with them yet.

I found this on the internet yesterday:

Since I am too embarrassed to post an actual picture of myself, this is the closest I could find to what's going on with me. I definitely look a lot like the second picture, with the weird shape and the funny placed nipples. Plus I'm not sure if you can see here, but they are also far apart. I'm hoping that the progression you see here is going to be the same for me. I can definitely wait 3 months to look normal, I just don't want to be stuck on the 3 days look. 

I'm nasty. I haven't showered or bathed at all. It's been too painful. I still have a hard time just standing up and sitting down. The worst is trying to get out of bed in the am, I look ridiculous and I get so frustrated because it's nearly impossible. I'm not supposed to use my upper body, particularly my arms, and yet it's almost like I can't help it. And my abdomen is still excruciatingly sore so that's not helping either since it's what I should be using to hoist myself up. The bra and the binding are so uncomfortable, I just want to rip them off, but I'm supposed to keep them on for the next 3 weeks. Yuck. At least my doctor told me to go buy some Spanks and use them instead, hopefully they will feel better. I'm going to ask her if I can wear a sports bra instead too, at least that might help minimize the "press" so to speak if I go out. 

I am dying for the chance to be a participating [clean!] citizen again...I just want this part behind me, and pronto!