Anxiety

I'm a basket of nerves.
 
It's almost like I woke up this AM and it hit me. Hard. No, not the fact that it's happening. I'm not even nervous about the results. It's more like I'm just not sure...and that's it.

Now I know why everyone writes about taking a Valium before they go.

I dealt with personal bullsh*t over the weekend and I feel like it propelled the anxious feelings into full effect. I had been doing so well. People would ask me how I felt and I would answer that I was excited and ready. Now I can barely breathe. Paper bag anyone?

If I had any advice at this moment, it would definitely be to take the week before to not only prepare but also clear your head. I can't imagine taking this feeling into surgery on Friday and knowing that makes it even worse.

My friend who is taking care of me right after (I have to have someone with me at least the full 24 hours after) told me she's worried I'll freak out afterwards. I was so convinced that she was crazy, but now I'm wondering. Will all these emotions come puking up in her face? She's not going to know how to handle me. It's already such a big deal that she's going to be there for me afterwards, I can't bare the thought of putting that pressure on her.

It's at the point now that I feel the need to cause a meltdown...cry my eyes out, throw things, yell and scream, whatever it would take to release the pressure that's building inside me. It's relentless.

This is supposed to be the part where I skip around with joy and take short breaths of excitement every time I think about what's about to happen. Something I've been waiting for so long. I'm not sure how I allowed my personal drama to get like this right before one of the biggest days of my life. Now I have no idea where my anxiety is stemming from. Does everyone feel like this right before or is it just me?

I'm angry with the pit of my stomach right now. It needs to shape up.

Alright, seriously, where is that paper bag???