The anxiety has calmed a bit, but the drama continues. Every day something happens that get's my blood going to some extent and I can't help but long for this week to be over. The anticipation is almost killing me. I have no patience.
I've been trying to fight off exhaustion, sickness and additional panic attacks. My glands keep teasing me as if I'm about to get sick, and my face/body is covered in stress acne. I've been testy with the boy I nanny for in the mornings and when I get home I can't focus so I tend to waste my precious time. Even my bathroom schedule that is usually so on point has been way messed up. As much pain as I know I'll be in after Friday AM, I'm actually longing for the week of being forced to do nothing but sleep and sleep [and watch TV] and sleep.
I did all six loads of every piece of laundry that I could find last night, today I have to go food shopping and tomorrow I'm going to clean my apartment from top to bottom. I had the intention to cook a bunch of meals and freeze them but I think I'll just get simple food that can be microwaved instead. I'm still overwhelmed and don't know if I have the energy. I am going to dye my hair tonight still, simply because I know it'll need to be done within the next few weeks if I don't and I really don't want to pay to have my hairdresser do it.
Yesterday I had a nurse from the doctor's office call me and give me an oral health interview. She asked me all the questions I'd answered before, but it didn't bother me. She told me to start washing in an antibacterial body wash and I told her I had started that already. I thought it was strange that she told me I have to remove my piercings because supposedly something they use while I'm under could cause any metal in me to burn my skin. I'm hoping that my nose ring doesn't close up but I'm going to attempt to use my plastic insert that I've used waitressing and hopefully that will do.
The schedule/to-do-list that I put myself on has been working well, keeping me reminded of all the things I can and cannot do. The vitamins that I've been on for about a week and a half have been pretty simple to remember, I just take them with my meals. It's the Arnica that I'm supposed to take 3-4 times a day now that I keep forgetting. I can't take it with meals so I have to remember independently and it's been difficult. I recommend that if you're able to do it like I did, take everything you read/get from your doctor [or other sources that you trust] and everything you need to remember and put it in one place so you can constantly be looking at it. (I made a calendar and wrote out each point to remember for the two weeks before and two weeks afterwards.) That was most helpful when I went to WalMart on Monday and got all of the before and after care products I need to have handy.
I haven't been to the gym in a week or so and I'm used to going 3+ times a week. I think in my head I realize that I have to quit for about a month soon anyway so I don't have any motivation. But I really wanted to tan so I think I'm going to go today. I'm not sure I can do that either afterwards because of all my incisions.Tonight would be my last weigh-in at WW but I'm also not really feeling going all the way up for that either. It would be nice to know my final weight before I add and subtract haha. Who knows, maybe I'll come out even!
Today my goal is to take some "before" pictures in a bathing suit that I feel has the chance to semi fit me after the surgery and post some shots here. (Headless of course, wink wink). It's the strangest concept that what I see when I'm naked in the mirror right now is NEVER going to be seen again. Not that I mind, but it's still the only thing I've known so it's a little sad in a way. I get nostalgic over the silliest things...
42 hours and counting...
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